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3 days....  
06:16pm 26/04/2009
Emma SpyCat
(Start: 8.30am) Lab meeting, uni, shopping, Walkerville Bowls Club quiz night, red wine, Waymouth St, home with Rob (2am), wake up 4am, Brighton dawn service (wearing last night's clothes), RSL, beer, Chloe picks me up ("Emma, you smell like a brothel!"), Waymouth St, home, lunch, movie (Let the Right One In), Waymouth St, pizza, amputee porn, Will's party, punch, gin, rain, rooftop party on Grenfell St, keys on fishing rods, gin, dancing, gin, gin, gin...talking to Rob and Tim Paull, fall over dead asleep in the middle of conversation, luckily was caught and didn't die, try to keep partying, falling asleep, partying, Rob practically carrying me home, kicking and screaming, fall asleep at the bottom of the stairs, try to keep partying, hallucinate horses, home. Try to sleep, violent shaking, spasming, feeling like I'm going to die, some sort of anxiety attack? Generally worrying behaviour. Thankyou Rob. Still trying to keep partying ("Let me go back to the party!") SLEEP. 3am/4am - stop, finally. So hungover, lying on the sofa, watching 30 Rock, walking to find my car, eating fish and chips....I have to stop this.
State of emotion tiredtired
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Time to say goodbye...  
07:16pm 22/04/2009
Emma SpyCat
I love cooking for people, it makes me so happy.

I also love wrapping my friends up in a giant roll of Chux. Amazing!

I think it's time for detox...my anxiety's crippling me, and drinking every day probably doesn't help....

Monday - Dronk at Ex, then Adam's house, then sneaking Tweed Boy home past mother.
Tuesday - Not dronk. Lab meeting. Wake up half an hour before lab meeting. More sneaking. Hungover.
Wednesday - Kicked out of Super with Romain. Dronk.
Thursday - Exciting adventure with Tweed Boy. Ate wine and cheese in Mclaren Vale, watched ominous storm clouds over Henley. Ended up Dronk at the Ex. Stayed at Harry's.
Friday - Watched Wizard of Oz and ate pizza. Not dronk.
Saturday - SquareOne. Very dronk. Stayed at Harry's.
Sunday - Watching TV with Tweed Boy. Not dronk.
Monday - Lube party with Rohan. A little tipsy.
Tuesday - Cooked venison sausages braised in red wine, with potatos, vegetables, and a baby spinach, pine nut and chevre salad. Fed Rohan, Sarah, Georgia and TB. Went to the ex, got dronk. Stayed at Rohan's.
Wednesday - Hungover, road trip to Gawler, eating fish and chips, anxiety spiral, feelings of impending doom etcetera etcetera. Trying to drag myself into psych labs to study. Failing.

All very fun....but 6/10 dronk nights isn't too good. Especially when the other 4 days are hangover days. And I seem to be spending progressively more time not sleeping at home. Not that that's a bad thing, of course. I should just be more focussed, at the moment. I've done practically no work for three weeks, which is rather worrying. But they've been an amazingly fun three weeks.

Detox time! I must I must.
State of emotion tiredtired
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12:53pm 17/04/2009
Emma SpyCat
Yesterday Tweed Boy and I went on the most amazing adventure.
State of emotion happyhappy
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05:33am 10/04/2009
Emma SpyCat
Ugh I just lay in bed for 4 hours, completely unable to sleep, again.

I don't know how I can fall asleep in lectures, in movies...anywhere that isn't an actual bed, at night. Today in class we were doing cognitive behaviour therapy, and we did this excercise, where you had to close your eyes and see youself as a blue sky, putting all of your neuroses on a cloud and letting them drift away. Well, apparently - I fell asleep as soon as the lecturer said "close your eyes".

And then the more I can't sleep, the more I worry about it, and then this leads to more anxiety-induced insomnia....

...anyway my flight leaves earlier than I thought. Time to finish packing. Urgle.
State of emotion tiredtired
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(no subject)  
12:13am 10/04/2009
Emma SpyCat
1. Off to Sydney in a few hours.

2. Haven't slept for a while.

3. Fun weekend playing bassoon?

4. Urrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Can't even begin to explain this one.
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I need a life secretary.  
06:46pm 08/04/2009
Emma SpyCat
Apparently I started a post last week, outlining all my favourite songs of the moment. Apparently, I also failed to post it, and have now deleted it.

I'm so bored at the moment, and I know I shouldn't be - I know I should be mad busy, sressed, up to my ears in paper and books....but I'm just not. My research proposal was due in Monday, and I handed it in, and now am waiting to get some feedback on it. I don't start pilotting my expt till next week, and it's too early to start doing exam revision, because I know I'll just forget it....so I've just been bumming around eating lunch and drinking cheap wine at the Exeter. Urgh.

The name of my thesis is: "Where’s Blobby? How much visual information is enough: The effects of introducing Gaussian blobs in a reach."

I just couldn't resist making it just a *little* silly...

Plus I am sick, and coughing up my lungs.

Going to Sydney on Friday - it will be nice to get out of Adelaide for a bit, but I'm going for National Band Championships (woooo!!), so it's not really a holiday as such. Plus I will be forced to socialise with people. I may just take some work over and hole myself up with my laptop, in a typically anti-social manner.
It's actually going to be hell, because playing bassoon is killing me at the moment - we had a concert on Sunday, and my lungs felt as though there were imploding. Lovely.

But I'm staying with my friend Michael for a couple of days afterwards, so that will be a nice little holiday.

Off to band practice. Off to cough my lungs up for 2 hours, off to not talk to anyone but sit and glare and read a book in a corner.
Where...or when... home
State of emotion blahblah
Sound waves pornstar - celebrity chimp
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Things frivolous and important.  
09:14pm 02/03/2009
Emma SpyCat
Well, there's only one way to cover a lot of ground when one hasn't posted for a while, and that's with dot points...

1. Work.
...is good. I like it. Though O'Week was pretty much hell...thousands of people coming in wanting diaries, memberships...this that and the other...I found myself indiscriminantly hating people, and being bitchy secretary to them, while being wonderful and lovely and joking with the rest. Terribly erratic. So now it's data data data entry for a while...and then probably back to my usual state of unemployment/sporadic AUU fill-in jobs.

2. Uni.
ARGH!! I am having major research anxiety at the moment. I have my supervisor, I've been toddling off to see her like twice a week, and I think she's wonderful, but I don't know what my project is yet. I've been reading and reading, but I am getting myself into such a tizzy that I just can't decide what to do. I ventured my ideas today, and she said they were good, and that nobody had actually tested one of them before, so that's a bit exciting, but now I'm thinking maybe there's a reason for that, what if it's such a silly idea that nobody has bothered to test it. And I want to do something that gets me a good mark, as well. As supervisor said, I can do whatever I want really if/when I do my PhD, but it's best to do something fairly simple this year.

3. General anxiety.
Bad anxiety, very, very, very bad anxiety at the moment. I can't sleep, I'm constantly jittery and I feel ill when I eat. I think everything's just a little much for me at the moment.

4. I miss Montreal.

5. Obligatory funny story from the weekend...(this one's a doozy).
Over saffron pasta, fig, marscapone and dark chocolate tart, and many bottles of wine, I managed to work myself into my usual Friday night state of inebriation. I set forth from Rohan's house, dressed rather superbly as a milkmaid....frills, large skirt, basket and all.
Somehow, I don't remember, I ended up at Crazy Horse with Clare, and oh my! it was the first time I had ever been to a strip club...so we set about getting sleazy old men to buy us free drinks. Some time passed. I don't remember. I don't even remember how I got in there, but the next thing I know, some tranny has come up to us, saying "you girls have to leave, go solicit somewhere else..." "we're just having a drink!!" we protest...but he disagrees "I know what you're doing, and you can't solicit in here....and don't bother coming back."

So we were kicked out of the strip club for soliciting. And I was dressed as a milk maid?

Next thing I know we're lying in Light Square, where I pick up a drug dealer on the run from the police...then I am at Harry, Chloe, Gould's house on the phone to Tom in Montreal, because I couldn't find the number for pizza...then I am wandering around town in the dead of night trying to find a taxi because I didn't want to stay in Gould's room because it smelt bad...

And for all of that, no hangover. It's absolutely shameful though. Pretty much another hilarious low point in my life.

It's time to sober up and get serious Emma.

It's also time for some more chamomile tea...I've been churning through it. It's the only thing that even remotely comes close to quashing this seething anxiety within me.
State of emotion anxiousanxious
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Oh dear, oh no, oh deary me!  
08:51pm 12/02/2009
Emma SpyCat
I'm all very happy at the moment.

I started my job at the AUU, and it's great, I love it. It's so chill, and I've discovered that I really enjoy talking to people and selling them AUU memberships, it's so much fun! I basically get to stand around, giving out diaries, convincing people the join the union, and doing filing, whilst wearing quirky outfits and being completely scatter-brained. Everyone laughs at me because I constantly talk to myself and spend the whole day saying "oh dear!" to everything.

It's going to get so busy in O'Week though, it will be crazy. We already have had nearly 800 people join the union, which is apparently record numbers. How exciting. For someone who never really cared that much about the AUU, I'm becoming completely entwined in all the dramas, and I love it. So I am very happy with work.

Though I feel so old - I have to enter everyone's student numbers, and they all start with 117-119. I've only seen one other 113, and a couple of 109s. I make sure to tell them. I'm a very chatty receptionist, almost painfully so at times I think.

Anyway come and visit me if you're around - I'm in every afternoon next week, and all of O'Week! AUU reception, Union House. Woooo!!!!

Had my second week back at uni...I'm really glad to be back, and honours is so exciting!! Even though we're just doing stats revision at the moment, I can't wait to start my research project!! My supervisor is great - I went to meet her, and we had an instant repore, it was great. I'll probably be doing something to do with eye movements and hand movements and the one guides the other - it's more psycho-physics than neuropsych per se, but it's fascinating. And I hopefully get to play with some exciting equipment! Yay!!! And everyone gets to be my test subjects!!!! Even more yay!!!

So yes. Everything is really good at the moment! Happy happy!!
State of emotion chipperchipper
Sound waves Tbtf - Kevin Drew
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The trials and tribulations of the upper middle class...  
10:52pm 04/02/2009
Emma SpyCat
“What’s your story? And I don’t mean what you do, that’s your vocation. I mean, what’s your story?” Emma Elizabeth Marshall Stewart fixed a slightly bleary eye on the unfortunate male sitting in front of her. One hand was clutching her glass of Bombay, the other was obsessively tapping at the casing of her iPhone as she leaned forward, determined to wrangle something exciting from the stranger. From the very first glimpse of his slicked-back pony-tail, and his moist fat lips, she had decided that he was entirely unworthy of her, and something within her had a crushing desire to make this known to all.

Unwittingly, he took the bait.

“Well, I got kicked out of home….I’m gay….” Emma nodded, for all intents and purposes, sympathetic to his plight. He continued - “well, my mum’s not happy that I’m gay, so I can’t go back, and I have nowhere to live, no money, I’ve been kind of on the streets…and then I met Harry at the pub…”

“Oh deary me, that’s dreadful.” Emma interrupted. He was talking far too slowly, and she was tiring of him. “But you know, that’s terrible and all, but living an upper middle class existence is also terribly taxing, you have no idea.”

“Oh, it’s difficult is it?” Emma narrowed her eyes at him, and took a large gulp of her gin, little finger extended.

“Yes, it most certainly is. You know, today, I had to choose which pair of vintage Chanel clip-on earrings to buy. It was a terribly difficult situation…” Once again motivated to finish this conversation, now that the lime-light had passed to her, she proceeded to show the poor homeless man eight pairs of the aforementioned earrings on her iPhone.

A little while later, whilst the homeless man was sitting inside making a general nuisance of himself, Emma was explaining to her good friends her theory of pre-emptive incarceration. Perhaps it was the bottle of Bombay, or those bottles of Moet before, but her screeches drew the man back into the garden.

“NO! You don’t understand, everybody should have their brains scanned, and if they show predictors of criminality, then they should be incarcerated to prevent the anti-social behaviour which they will most probably exhibit in the future…” The man, thinking they had bonded during the earlier encounter, approached her.

“You know what I think…” he began, wet lips smacking as he spoke, “I think that…”

But Emma wasn’t having a bar of that. She turned to him, and paused, ever so slightly before saying bluntly, “I don’t know you, and I don’t like you, so go away.” She turned back and continued her diatribe. He was however, persistent. Emma sighed, and turned to him again. “Look, I’ve already told you that I hate you, but do I have to explain it any further - you are stupid, and you have no University education whatsoever, and are therefore utterly unqualified to discuss this with us.” She shook her head, and once again, turned her back on him.

The homeless man wandered back inside, unphased. It was testament to his character, perhaps, that he was still there after the abuse which was being hurled at him by the girl with the glass of Gin.

Emma, however, realised that she had left her Marc Jacobs bag in the sitting room, and, looking around the table, was horrified that it was alone in there with that man. Showing a regard for the bag which she rarely showed for her fellow mankind, she rushed inside and saw its ostentatious gold print glowing from the sofa where the man was lying. Marching up to him, shuddering slightly as she watched him smile and take the headphones from his ears to rest on his chubby neck, she grabbed the bag, gave him a distinctly pointed look and marched back outside. One can never tell what these desperate plebs might do, she thought to herself, munching on a piece of salted caramel tart as she passed through the kitchen.

A few gins and a Brandy Alexander later, Emma decided that she was Queen Victoria. She also decided that her various friends were her colonies, the gems in her empire: British India, Ceylon, Burma, Rhodesia…

The homeless man, however, was Portugal, and it is a well-known fact that Portugal has no place in Queen Victoria’s realm.

She called upon her mighty navy, but it failed her. She called upon the plantation owners, and the British East India Company, but they failed her. So Queen Victoria put on her riding helmet, and, armed with an umbrella, she decided to take matters into her own, far more capable hands.

She approached Portugal, who was standing in a corner, lost and confused. She took him by the shoulder, cringing at the touch of his dirty, synthetic shirt under her fingers. And then, with an air of great ceremony, Queen Victoria marched Portugal down the corridor, and opened the front door. She looked him in the eye, and stated loudly and imperiously - “Portugal, you are now being expelled from the waters of the British Empire. You don’t belong here. Goodbye.” With a rather un-ladylike shove, she pushed Portugal’s greasy mass through the front door and slammed it in his face.

The homeless man was left on the doorstep, and Emma Elizabeth Marshall Stewart, satisfied after a job well done, took her iPhone out of the Marc Jacobs bag, because she had finally decided which vintage Chanel clip-on earrings she wanted to buy.
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Licorice allsorts...  
04:30pm 21/01/2009
Emma SpyCat
Things are looking fairly exciting for me at the moment. I am in the thralls of one of my giddyingly positive mood swings, and am quite content to stay there for the moment...

1. Employment
I am actually employed, shock horror. I'm going to be the AUU receptionist during O'Week, and then am going to do various menial data-entry things from thereonin. So that will be exciting - I think I'll probably enjoy working there, and after working full-time in O'Week, the one day a week or so after that won't be too strenuous with honours.

2. Study
I am so excited about this year. I know I will probably change my mind about this after I am swamped with work, but I will leave those morose thoughts for when the time comes. Although some of my subjects look tedious, and they seem to have scratched the neuro subject entirely (I am NOT happy!), I am looking forward to my thesis, because I get to choose a topic which interests me, and I've got some ideas going already!

3. Various other menial things
I joined a gym in North Adelaide today, and it was terribly exciting. I just watched Ready Steady Cook for an hour on the air-walky machine, and the time flew by! I like this gym, I like having my own screen on my exercise machine, and I like that I can plug my ipod into the machine...it's so exciting...

Other than that...I've been doing nothing. Nothing other than drinking ridiculous amounts, which must stop now. No more drinking to excess - it's hard, but I shall do it!!!!!
State of emotion chipperchipper
Sound waves Dancing in the dark - some old record I got yesterday
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